


Six different ways inside my heart

by Claire10



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: American Graffiti 1973, Awesome Robin Buckley, Coming Out, Flashbacks, Gen, Hiding Places, Hugging, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Introspection, Multi, Red Vines, Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington Friendship, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Swearing, The Hidden Fortress (1958), The Thing (1985), Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, max mayfield deserves everything on god, use of nicknames, use of the word dick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-02-17 21:41:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21650206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Claire10/pseuds/Claire10
Summary: Max keeps visiting the video store in the months after the 4th of July  OR5 Times Max Mayfield Doesn't Rent a Movie and 1 Time She Does
Relationships: Maxine "Max" Mayfield & The Party, Robin Buckley & Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington, Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington & Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Steve Harrington & Maxine "Max" Mayfield
Comments: 17
Kudos: 136





	1. This is Stranger than I Thought

**Author's Note:**

> I'm been gunning for some MaxSteveRobin interaction and if no one else is gonna do it, I'm gonna do it myself. Updates will probably be sporadic for the next 2 weeks until I go on winter break so please bear with me!! Comments are always appreciated and since the next sections aren't written yet, tell me what you would like to see!! 
> 
> Enjoy!! 
> 
> Some parts inspired by Runaway Max

Max Mayfield counts the cracks on the sidewalk in front of her and waits. With a deep sigh, she lets her shoulders relax and her head roll back on her neck. Her eyes find the glittering stars overhead; it reminds her of California and stargazing on the flat pane of her roof at night. She used to try to count them. She would get up to 40 or even 100, sometimes, and then she would lose her concentration and be forced to start again.  
_Try again Maxie, why don’t ya? Okay. One, two, three, four- open up that fucking door. You heard me Maxine, YOU HEARD ME GIRL, OPEN THE DOOR BIT-”_

__She shoves that thought away._ _

__Inhaling a deep breath, she stretches her sore limbs to the point of pain before pushing herself up off the ground and brushing the gravel off the seat of her pants._ _

__She doubts this is a good idea._ _

__Something inside, some part of her that wants people to worry and fuss over her like her mom used to fuss over her skinned knees, says _yes _. The other part, the one that’s all fierce independence and a refusal to let anyone know that anything is wrong, says _no, we don’t want other people, Max, we’re fine on our own.____ _

______With the two sides of the argument warring in her head, she pushes the metal bar on the door and steps into the air-conditioned bustle of Family Video._ _ _ _ _ _

______It’s a madhouse. Two days before Halloween and it seems that everyone is renting a movie or buying candy or ogling the new releases. Families with young kids wander up and down the aisles near the animated flicks while teenagers in patterned sweaters and high-waisted jeans flock to the horror movies and action thrillers. Matronly older women in crocheted sweaters gossip near the romances and at the center of it all, is the store counter crowded with registers, stacks of tapes, piles of candy and video monitors showing scenes from the Thing._ _ _ _ _ _

______It’s playing the scene when they’re doing the autopsy. The guy’s chest cavity gapes open and his head melts off the counter. Max feels vaguely sick to her stomach._ _ _ _ _ _

______She had loved the Thing when she had first seen it in theaters, oohing and aahing at the amazingly gross special effects, cheering for Kurt Russell when he blew up the base, even hiding her face in Lucas’s shoulder during one of the jump scares. They had eaten enough popcorn and candy to give them all stomachaches and then they had gone to get ICEEs after the movie, slurping the sweet syrupy ice under the fluorescent lights of the parking lot, while Lucas and Mike argued the merits of the remake. It had been a really good night. One of the last before the 4th of July._ _ _ _ _ _

______She’s so lost in thought that she runs right into an elderly guy leaving the store, a copy of The Blob, the Steve McQueen 1958 version, clutched in one hand. The blow knocks her off balance and she has just enough time to think, Wow a terrible fucking end to a terrible fucking day, when a hand wraps around her upper arm and sets her back on her feet. She registers a pile of silver chains looped around someone’s neck and black-painted nails and dyed hair before her vision settles and focuses on the figure in front of her._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hey Speed-Racer, looking to take a dive?” Robin’s lips are pulled into a cocky smirk that even Max knows is continually plastered on her face._ _ _ _ _ _

______Max grimaces in response because that’s all her face seems to be able to do nowadays._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hey Robin, how’s it going?” She feels awkward. Maybe this was a mistake. She doesn’t really know what to say to the older girl. They had met briefly the night of the mall and they'd seen each other a handful of times since over the past few months. The most they had interacted had been immediately after._ _ _ _ _ _

______She had been seated on one of the stretchers, shock blanket wrapped around her shoulders, ice pack pressed against her face, still hearing the goo-monster’s roars echoing in her head when she felt the touch of a hand on her arm._ _ _ _ _ _

______It had been Robin, hair messy, face pale, looking for all the world like she was about to pass out. The older girl had tried to say something to her, maybe ask if she was alright but Max was still hearing the sizzling crackle of fireworks and El’s screams and her own repeating in her head like a broken record. Robin must have realized she was out of it, basically numb to the world, cause eventually she just slouched down on the stretcher next to her and tugged one end of the shock blanket over her own shoulders. They had sat next to each other for an indefinable amount of time; Max didn’t even remember when they started to hold hands but it might have been after Mrs. Byers returned from the Russian base without Chief Hopper and El had to be sedated._ _ _ _ _ _

______They waited together in the parking lot until Robin’s parents had gotten there. The ice pack had been a melted mess of lukewarm water in her hands and her ears were still ringing but she had registered Robin’s swift departure from her side, the sudden rush of night air that filled the formerly occupied space next to her. Robin had pulled her into a hug before she left and Max had fallen into it, desperate for comfort. Max wonders if Robin remembers._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Can’t complain, Little Red, can’t complain.” Her smirk is still plastered on her face and Max is about to seriously consider back-tracking out the front door of the store when another voice pipes up from behind Robin._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Really, Buckley? You can’t complain? Then why have you been doing that exact thing since our shift started at 4?” Steve Harrington’s floofy head of hair emerges with an almost audible whoosh from behind the counter of Family Video, a few packages of Red Vines clutched to his chest._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh shut up, Harrington, you’ve been complaining just as much as me.” Her eyes slide to Max’s and she jerks her head toward the counter, indicating Max should follow her back. “And besides, I’m the one doing all the goddamn work, I have the RIGHT to complain, pretty-boy.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Max shifts awkwardly at the counter as Steve and Robin continue to bicker, simultaneously helping customers and trading barbs back and forth, ignoring the disgruntled looks they’re thrown. She wonders if they’re like this all the time, wonders if possibly they could be dating. Robin is pretty and cool and dresses like no one else in Hawkins; Steve, although a complete dork at the best of times, deserves someone as cool as him after Nancy shattered his heart. She shrugs it off; it’s not any of her business._ _ _ _ _ _

______During a lull in the flow of customers, Steve finally registers Max’s presence at the counter and throws her a startled look, “Jesus, Mayfield, when did you get here?”  
Robin throws him an unimpressed look and smacks the back of his head. _ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hey! What the hell was that for?” Steve exclaims, grabbing the back of his head dramatically as if he had just been clubbed with a blunt object._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Dingus! She’s literally been here for the last ten minutes! She almost got run over at the door by Mr. King, ya know, the connoisseur of 50s monster pictures.” She wiggles her eyebrows at Max when she says the last part and she can’t help herself. It’s nearly impossible not to crack a smile._ _ _ _ _ _

______He pulls a face at Robin and then turns his attention back to Max, throwing her a smile because he’s Steve and he always has a smile for them now, after everything.  
“Sorry about that, Red, you know me.” He cocks a finger at his head and screws up his eyes until they’re rolled back in his sockets. She cracks another grin. Maybe it was a good idea to come here. He slides a half-open package of Red Vines toward her across the counter and she catches them, slipping one out. It’s a Steve apology, one that is easy to accept because it’s not really necessary. _ _ _ _ _ _

______The store has drastically emptied in the 15 minutes she has been there; there’s not one grandma or family with children left, just a couple of teenagers, older kids, loitering by the R-rated films, debating over Nightmare on Elm Street or Halloween. Max hops up on the counter, making herself comfortable and taking another Red Vine. Steve and Robin go back to their bickering for the time being. She loses herself in their chatter; she doesn’t need to think or feel or even listen.  
She just lets the sound wash over her like waves. Waves like the ocean. She lets her mind wander, her attention unfocused. It, of course, drifts back to what happened earlier tonight with Neil. She can’t catch one single break. She wants to think of something else. Anything else. But it’s like she’s cursed to only focus on the bad; her mind can’t let her remember the good, what little good is left now that home is a danger zone and her friends are scattered. She’s forced to remember instead Neil’s sour breath on her cheek, his hands tight around her wrists, the cheap drywall against her back._ _ _ _ _ _

______She wonders if she’ll have to live with this the rest of her life. She wonders if she’ll ever be free. She wonders if she might turn out like Billy after all. She wonders and wonders and wonders and-_ _ _ _ _ _

______She’s so good at getting lost in her own head, a pastime that she’s developed in the past few months, that she doesn’t notice the first or second time that Robin calls her name. It’s only Steve’s sudden hand on her shoulder that snaps her out of the trance that she’s let herself fall into. She has to stop herself from flinching. It’s close._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Max?” Both of their voices are concerned. It’s overwhelming. She had been thinking too deep, trapped in her head like she had been back in her bedroom earlier that night, pressed against her wall, an angry voice digging like a pickaxe into her brain._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You okay, Red?” She can hear the unspoken questions behind Steve’s inquiry. _Did something happen? Did you see something? _She doesn’t know how to tell him it’s not a monster from another dimension, it’s one in her house. One that she has to face again when she finally sneaks home, one that grabbed her so hard tonight, she can still feel its (his) hands around her wrists.___ _ _ _ _ _

________But he surprises her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Is it- Are you thinking about Billy?” His eyes are cautious, careful. He doesn’t want to overstep, doesn’t want her to lash out. She doesn’t feel like lashing out, she feels like crying._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The thing is, she has been thinking more about Billy recently. Maybe it’s because Neil is… being himself or because El moved away and she doesn’t have much else occupying her but, yeah, she has. She hadn’t heard the final exchange between Billy and El at the mall. She doesn’t know if she’s relieved or angry that she hadn’t heard it, but she had been far enough away so she could only witness it. El had told her about it in the days after, when the party had reunited, both of them sitting on the couch, eyes red-rimmed and faces pale, hands clutching. She figured El thought it would give her comfort, something like that at least but Max had just absorbed the information without saying anything. She had cried when she got home. She had loved Billy once at some point, during the beginning when she thought she was the coolest thing ever with his leather jacket and earring and fuck-you attitude. She had hated him when she saw the worst parts of him, the parts that hurt her and her friends when he was angry. She knew why he did that. Of course she did. It was hard to miss when her step-dad hurt Billy in front of her. She had been there enough times to understand what was happening, tried to help afterwards only to have Billy push her away. He hurt her, she didn’t deserve it, she hates him and she doesn’t forgive him for it, despite everything. But she mourns anyway and she doesn’t know why._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________This time, it’s Robin who lays her hand on her arm and meets her gaze, silently urging her to tell them what’s wrong. She doesn’t know when Robin became a person who could read her. For that matter, she doesn’t know when Steve became that person too. She wants to tell them, she really does. She just doesn’t know if she can make her mouth move, can make her voice form the words that she needs, wants to say. My step-dad blames me for Billy’s death. He’s hurting me like he used to hurt Billy and I don’t know what to do. My mom won’t stop it, won’t get involved._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She gets as far as, “My step-dad…” and runs out of momentum. She can’t say it. Steve understands, though._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Your step-dad?” His eyes narrow with the question, his mouth drops into a scowl. She really could hug him. Instead, she just nods._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What about your step-dad?” Robin’s face is wrinkled up like she doesn’t understand and Max realizes she actually doesn’t. She wasn’t there when Neil pulled her out of Steve’s hospital room the night after the mall and she wasn’t there in 1984 either when Max finally talked to the party after everything happened. She’s in the dark but Max is pretty sure that she trusts her, pretty sure that she would trust anyone after what they’ve been through together. What she realizes even more is that she wants to tell her, wants to open herself up to Robin. She’s got so little in the way of friends left nowadays, it would be nice to have another one._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“He’s a dick.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Steve snorts so hard she’s afraid he’s going to choke on a Red Vine. Robin’s intense gaze doesn’t waver but she smiles. It’s mischievous_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Like how big of a dick are we talking here? Like Harrington’s asshole father? Worse? Small-town Stalin?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Max smiles; the memory of tonight is still too close for her to laugh at that but she appreciates her attempts to set her at ease._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Huge dick. Gigantic, actually. Like Reagan asshole level.” Robin really laughs at that and Steve laughs with her, even though she’s not completely sure that Steve knows who Ronald Reagan is. It makes Max feel good to make them laugh. It makes her feel like herself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Robin finally gets control over herself and turns her gaze back on Max. The smile she wears is small, reassuring, sweet. She sees Steve giving her the same smile out of the corner of her eye._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Okay, cool. Good. Now, say it again.” Robin speaks calmly now but there’s a fire in her eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What?” Max isn’t sure what she’s trying to do but she certainly hadn’t expected this. Steve throws down the rest of his Red Vine and excitedly hops on the counter. He has the same fire in his eyes as Robin and for a moment, she’s struck by their harmony, the rightness she feels between them. Steve is babbling excitedly, seeming to have grasped the essence of Robin’s idea and reaches for her hand in his left and Robin’s in his right._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He takes a deep breath, squeezes her hand and then yells in one breath, “MAX’S STEP-DAD IS A DICK.” He screams so loud, Max is startled into a laugh and after that, she can’t stop. She’s laughing so hard her stomach hurts, clutching Steve and Robin’ s hands with her own, nearly rolling on the counter. Robin pulls her back to a sitting position and tries to control her own giggles, failing when Steve drops her hand to tickle her sides._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Stop, stop, dingus, oh my god, this is for Max, she has to say it!!” She screams, almost breathlessly. Steve, grasping the importance of the moment, plasters a solemn expression on his face and bows his head, acquiescing to Robin’s whims._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Max takes her own deep, steadying breath and grasps their hands tighter. She meets both of their gazes; they’re happy and determined and supportive. Her heart swells._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She’s still not sure why is she here or what she is going to do after the store closes or even what time it is but she knows she feels safer and more at peace than she has since Starcourt._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Max opens her mouth and screams._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	2. I'll Tell Them Anything At All

Max crawled back into her room that night through the window, trying not to let her sneakers squeak on the wood or scuff the white paint on the frame. If Neil hears her sneaking back in, there will be hell to pay and after what had already happened this afternoon, she has no desire to bring him barging into her room. She changes into her pajamas, peeling off her shorts and shirt. Her mind slowly slips over the events of the night, water over rocks, silk sliding through hands, solid but diaphanous. 

Her walk home had been crisp. Bracing. The star-filled sky stretching above her, a velvety blue expanse speckled with light that seemed to be shining for her. The quiet had been almost tangible, like she could reach out and touch it, only the occasional bark of a dog or put-put-puttering of a car exhaust disturbing the peace. Plenty of time to take deep breath after deep breath, trying desperately to fill her lungs with the cool October air. Her visit to the video store had calmed her significantly but she had still felt edgy, tense even. Doubts had begun to creep into her mind almost as soon as she had left Steve and Robin and the fluorescent lighting of Family Video. 

Had she revealed too much? What if she continued to put herself and her feelings out there and they realized they didn’t want to help her anymore? Was she being selfish? Burdening them unfairly? Oh god, Max get a grip, what the hell.

Steve and Robin had seemed like they wanted to help but was that true? What if they were just pitying her? She huffed and fell back onto her pillows, the sheets billowing up around her, wrapping her in their cool touch. She tossed and turned for a few moments, searching for the perfect position that would allow her to drift off to sleep, but the struggle was moot. Her mind was moving too fast. She flopped onto her stomach and sighed, defeated. If she was being honest with herself, Max did not want to talk about Neil to anyone at all. Talking about Billy to any of her friends recently had not gone well; Lucas, Dustin and Mike hated him unequivocally and the last time Max had tried to share some of the confusing feelings in her head, no one had really understood. Or tried to, Max admitted in her head. 

And why would Steve want to talk about Billy who almost killed him last year? Robin probably hadn’t known him and definitely hadn’t liked him if she did. 

But then she remembered the way Steve had asked about Billy, so cautiously yet only out of consideration for her own feelings, not his. She remembers the way Robin had taken her hand and looked her in the eyes and actually wanted to know what Max was going to say. The way Steve had slipped her an extra pack of Red Vines from under the counter and then winked like they were accomplices, pulling one over together on Robin as she restocked the last few shelves. 

They weren’t just listening to her because they felt like they had to; they just wanted to make sure she was alright, that she was safe. 

They cared. Actually, truly cared about her. Like no one ever had before really.  
The enormity of that fact washed over her as she lay in bed, tracing the shapes of the shadows on her ceiling with her gaze.  
And was Max naive for saying that to herself after they offered her advice and support for a few hours when she was visibly upset? Maybe. But it had felt genuine, had felt real. It hadn’t been an impatient acknowledgment of her feelings, a hurdle to be cleared before they could move on to other topics. So little had ever felt truly genuine in her life, this unexpected kindness was like a gift. 

It felt warm, their caring. Like summer rain. She felt drenched in the good feeling. As she rolled over to go to sleep, actually looking forward to sleeping this time, an unbidden feeling rose up in her chest. Hope. 

That night she dreamt of the ocean. 

The next few days, Max did not get to go back to the video store, at least not alone. The boys dragged her in a few times after school, searching for r-rated horror movies and sci-fi flicks that they hadn’t already convinced Steve and Robin to let them rent. Everytime she had been in, she had greeted Steve or Robin or both with a smile and wave and a little hello but not much beyond that. Everything had been calm at home for the last few days, as it always was after Neil’s outbursts, and, to be honest, she was still feeling a little shy about confiding in them again. 

That changed Thursday night, a week after her very first visit to the video store. Max knuckled hot tears out of her eyes as she stormed down the street, the only sound her harsh breathing echoing in the emptiness. Neil had gone after her again, after he got home from work, angry and raving about how it was HER fault that Billy had died, that it should have been her, that SHE had killed him. He hadn’t touched her this time, she had ran out of the door too fast but the words were almost worse. The words burrowed under her skin and fused to her bones; she could not even argue against it try as she might because she felt, truly, that it had been her fault. 

She had not taken El seriously when El had come to her about Billy again and again with examples of his suspicious behavior; she had denied it until the last possible moment and because of that, El had gotten hurt and Billy had gotten away at the pool. Max hadn’t wanted to believe it, so she didn’t and what had happened? Billy had died and people had gotten hurt because of her stubbornness and her pigheadedness. Familiar anger coursed through her. What was wrong with her? 

Max finally looked up, pulled out of her thoughts for the moment and realized that her feet had taken her directly to the front door of Family Video. Again. The buzz of the neon lights was so loud, she could feel it in her teeth but the store looked blessedly empty and she could make out a lone figure slouched against the register. 

She knew she probably looked a mess, face red, hair wild but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Her mind was still spinning, Neil’s voice and Billy’s dying words echoing and re-echoing in her brain, rattling like coins in a pot. She felt like she was going to throw up, sadness and anger and vitriolic hate splattered on the sidewalk in front of her. No, she can’t walk in there like this. They’ll see through her immediately, see her vulnerable and unmasked and there won’t be any coming back from that. She takes a deep breath and grasps her hands tightly in front of her. 

You can do this Max. Just… push it down. 

She pulls open the door.  
She was expecting Steve to be there. 

She feels stupid immediately for just assuming that Steve would be there. 

She likes Robin, she really does but it never registered in her mind that Robin could possibly work a shift at the video store without Steve. In her mind, they were always attached at the hip; a package deal. Walking in and seeing just Robin, slumped, drumming her fingers on the edge of the counter, a bored expression plastered on her face, was a little shocking. 

Robin notices her immediately and her eyes widen. 

“Max? Is that you?”  
“Hey Robin.” She moves farther into the store, furtively eyeing the other aisles and the back to see if Steve happened to be restocking the shelves or taking a break. Robin seems to get what’s she looking for because she quickly interrupts Max’s sweep of the store. 

“Steve’s not here today. Home sick with a cold. A real nasty one.” She keeps her stare leveled on Max, her gaze a cool, heavy weight. It’s not baleful or mean; just watchful, observant, maybe a touch sarcastic. Max blushes to the roots of her hair, embarrassed to be read so completely and accurately but Robin doesn’t say anything else, just beckons her closer.

“Is something… wrong?” Her expression is sincere, her blue eyes wide and serious like she’s worried Max is going to break down in front of her. Max snorts a little and Robin, clearly caught off-guard, shakes her head, bewildered.

“I’m okay,” Max concedes, “I just needed to get out of the house, fast, and this was the first place I thought of coming. I figured Steve would be here.”

Max realizes her mistake as soon she finishes speaking and nearly shouts, “AND you, of course, I thought you would be here too. I figured you were also working.” 

Robin just smiles and says, “Kid it’s fine. I get it. You know Steve better and frankly? Steve’s a little better at the heartfelt stuff, right? Knows what to say, how to respond, what you’re trying to say before you do. It’s a little annoying how great he is sometimes though, isn’t it?”

Max laughs at that because it’s true. Steve is really good at comfort and advice and just checking in to see how you are. Max, well, not so much. She says as much to Robin and she laughs, nodding in agreement. 

“I know it sounds totally pathetic but I’m not good at talking to people without it coming across as either bitchy or mean or nervously anxious. Just ask Steve! I was a total dick to him the first few weeks at Scoops. Well, I’m still a dick to him but it’s all in a playful, best-friend way now.”

“Plus at the mall when you started blurting out that story about the girl on your soccer team-” 

“Beth Wildfire! Red, seriously, you’re gonna bring that up now, my most embarrassing moment to date that took place in front of a teenage girl with super powers?”

“Hey it’s not my fault, you don’t have any tact.”

“Excuse you, small child, I have plenty of tact! I’m a mature and efficient communicator, you know. I speak, like, 4 languages.” Robin deadpans, her face a hilariously blank mask. 

“Oh obviously,” Max drawls , a grin spreading across her face despite her tone, “But I feel the same way! Girls are supposed to be soft and quiet and like polite, you know? But I’ve never been like that, it drives my mom up the wall, she hates it!” 

“YES, exactly Mayfield!” Robin gives her a look, almost appraising her and seems to make up her mind.  
“Do you want to watch a movie with me?”

Max has never seen American Graffiti but it’s almost achingly familiar. The bright pink California sunsets, the wide boulevards of the streets and highways, the shiny chrome of the dinner drive-ins. Even the music is familiar; her father had grown up listening to The Beach Boys, Buddy Holly, and Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers and handed his old vinyls down to her. He used to play them all the time while he cooked breakfast in the morning and Max mouths along to the words as the movie plays. 

Her and Robin are sitting on the floor behind the counter, clutching packs of Raisinets and Reese’s that they picked off the display, eyes trained on the small TV. On screen, Ron Howard bumbles his way through an explanation of why he and Cindy Williams should break up while he goes to college.  
“You used to live in California right?” Robin shifts to catch her eye, turning slightly towards her and Max turns as well, knees knocking into the side of Robin’s legs. 

“Yeah. We moved last year, around the end of October, right before Halloween.” Memories of Halloween ‘84 flash vividly through her mind and she has to blink against the sudden rush of tears in her eyes. Halloween ‘84 had been the first time she had met the boys as an almost-complete party, a quartet she watched from the outskirts. At that time, she hadn’t thought there was ever a chance of her belonging or being accepted by all the boys. Now they’re her best friends. Life is funny like that. 

“I didn’t know anybody and without Dustin and Lucas I probably would have stayed at home and rented Halloween or something but they invited me to go trick-or-treating.”

“And the rest is history.” Max shrugs. She doesn’t know if Robin knows the specifics of everything that happened after Halloween but she’s fairly certain Steve had filled her in, at least partially. She certainly doesn’t know the things Max had to do, the courage it took for Max to do those things, the way she had to stretch the furthest bounds of her imagination just to believe what she was seeing in front of her. Although… that last part may not be true. 

Robin had been thrown into this too. She didn’t even know that El had powers until she used them at the mall to save her and Steve and Dustin and Erica. It had almost been worse for her. At least Lucas had laid the whole story out before everything happened, even if she didn’t believe him. Robin hadn’t even gotten that. 

Max shakes her head and leans forward to nudge her knees against Robin. She asks, “What about you?”

“What about me what?” Quizzical look, furrowed brow. 

“How did you get mixed up in… this?” She vaguely gestures. Robin snorts and moves so she is facing Max, legs crossed, knees touching hers. 

“Well, I met Steve officially in June for orientation at Scoops and then we got put together since we were both working double shifts and we became friends because shared hatred over our job and then best friends because of our shared monster-related trauma and… the rest is history.” She finishes the long run-on sentence, throwing her hands up in the air as if to signify her final word on the topic. 

Max is still stuck on one part. 

“Met… officially? What does that mean?” She may be prying but she’s curious! Robin can sue her if she wants. 

Robin looks uncertain but goes on, her words slow and cautious. 

“Well… we were in Mrs.Click’s sophomore history class together and he kinda had a reputation in high school, you know? King Steve? He had pretty much mellowed out after 1983, I guess, after the first Upside Down-related incident, if Steve’s timeline is accurate, and he wasn’t a douchebag really at all anymore.”

(Max can’t really picture Steve being a douchebag but she lets it slide. She hadn’t been there, she really can’t give her two cents on the matter. She can’t picture Steve being mean on purpose but she knows how people can change even if this time, it’s for the better.) 

“I saw him after sophomore year, walking the hallways with Nancy Wheeler but that’s pretty much it. I had band and soccer and my language classes and drama almost constantly during the year and I didn’t pay attention to him.”

Pause. Max gestures for Robin to continue. The uncomfortable look on Robin’s face grows.

“That’s really it, I mean, we were in the same class ONCE but we never talked or anything.”

She begins to talk faster, almost rambling, fervent and frantic. Max does not know what to do, how to calm her down. Steve would know. 

“I thought he was an idiot and I hated high school and him and I spent the entire class staring at his stupid hair and watching her stare at his stupid hair and going home and feeling so helpless and angry and goddamn sick, I would just SCREAM.” 

Robin’s voice had steadily risen throughout her whole speech until she is nearly yelling in the empty Family Video store. The movie flickers on, blue and flat, behind their heads. Max’s hands are on Robin’s wrists and Robin is clutching back desperately like in the parking lot at the mall. They’re cold and freckled and thin, kind of like hers. Max hates physical contact normally, but this is affirming, comfortable and it seems to go both ways. Robin looks better, more grounded with the pressure on her wrists and calms down a little.

“Who.”

“Who what?” Robin says, half-jokingly but she isn’t looking at Max when she says this and Max doesn’t take the bait, the easy out Robin is offering her. 

“Who was staring at Steve’s hair? You said ‘her’. Who is she?” 

Robin takes a deep breath, the air rushing out of her mouth as she exhales and says, “Tammy Thompson.” 

She looks stricken when she says the name out loud but Max doesn’t get it. 

“Okay? She was another girl in your class and she stared at Steve’s hair and you stared at her cause she stared at Steve. What’s the problem? Unless… oh my god… DID YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON STEVE? ARE YOU GUYS DATING?” 

Now Robin looks like she doesn’t know if she wants to laugh or cry. 

“Cause if you are and you don’t want to tell anyone, I won’t say anyth-” 

“NO, NO oh my god NO… I have never liked Steve Harrington in a non-platonic way AT ALL and I never will. Jesus.” 

Well now Max is just confused. But Robin isn’t done. 

“I can’t like him like that because… I’m gay. I like girls. The person I had a crush on was Tammy, not Steve.” 

Silence. 

Robin looks like she is about to cry. Max can’t see herself but she knows her expression is one of shock.

Her first thought was “Robin?”

Her second was “Oh shit, I should say something before she thinks I’m homophobic or something.” 

And Max was decidedly not a homophobe. 

Because Neil was a fucking homophobic piece of shit so fuck him 

Because Max decidedly did not have a people with gay and lesbian people. She had known a lot of people in California who had lived and loved anyway and any person they choose, regardless of other people’s judgement, including the two adorable middle-aged women who lived a street over, tended their garden and had their own bee-hives. 

(And 3. Max sometimes caught herself staring at girls for no particular reason. Admiring them. And then quickly looking away when she realized what she was doing. She had never told anyone and she didn’t know if she ever would but she liked boys and she sometimes admired girls and she was determined to accept Robin even if it was only because she wanted to feel understood, even if it was only because Max understood her more than she knew.)

“Robin, I’m not gonna yell at you.” Max is surprised by how calm she sounds, if only because her mind is racing, but it seems to throw Robin off.

It’s her turn to look shocked as she says, “You’re not?” 

“Of course not. I’m not homophobic or anything.” Max shrugs and there’s a pause where neither of them speak. It’s not uncomfortable; Max realizes she trusts Robin, almost completely and it’s a bit like coming home. Like they’ve been building towards this since the aftermath of the Battle of Starcourt and everything has finally come together, while they’re both sitting on the filthy floor of a Family Video, hands touching, legs entangled. Onscreen, Richard Dreyfuss wakes up in the back of a car to the sound of a phone ringing. 

Robin’s face is open, letting Max see everything that crosses her face in a way that is rare for her. It’s sad but not, hopeful but nervous. She bites her lip and grips her forearms and bunches her shoulders up by her ears. She’s so on edge, it breaks Max’s heart. Max reaches out to pull her into a hug, chin digging into her shoulder, arms tight around her back. Robin is unresponsive in her arms. 

“I’m serious, Buckley. Thank you for telling me. That was really… brave.” Robin pulls back to look into her eyes, her expression incredulous. They both burst out laughing at the same time. 

“Mayfield, that was so mature, what the hell?”

“I don’t know! Aren’t you supposed to say stuff like that when someone comes out to you?”

“I guess, I don’t know. I’ve only come out to one person before this and they didn’t say that.” They aren’t hugging anymore, but they’re still close. Max feels so, so warm. 

“Steve, huh? Idiot.” Max grins over the words, lips curling up in a smile. Robin gives her a look, something proud and soft and amused. 

“Smart, you're really smart, kid. You notice a lot more than people give you credit for.” Max shot a smile back to Robin. 

Robin’s smile melted into something a little more serious and she leaned closer to Max.  
“Do you think we could keep this between us? I would really appreciate it, Red.” Her eyes were pleading, even as she fought to keep her face calm. And Max, tired as she is from this trainwreck of a day that somehow turned out better than expected, knows she needs to be strong for Robin for a little longer. 

“Of course, I won’t tell anyone. I’d be a shitty friend if I did that, right?” 

Robin laughs and shakes her head. “Yeah, you really would be. Can’t lose my new best friend minutes after confessing my biggest secret.” She sounds like she’s trying to joke but it’s coming out too sincere and it makes Max want to cry, a little. Best friend. Yeah, she really likes the sound of that. 

Robin is crying a little, her eyes shining in the light from the TV, tear tracks glinting and Max laughs, small hiccoughing laughs because she’s happy. For a moment, she can forget about everything that’s wrong and exist in a moment where some things are right. The end of the movie is playing. Somewhere in a world where it’s always California 1962, Richard Dreyfuss tracks the progress of a gleaming white T-bird, head pressed to the airplane window. A Beach Boys song plays as the credits roll. In the dim fluorescent glow, she can hear the words in her father’s voice, echoing in her head.  
Every now and then we hear our song  
We've been having fun all summer long

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO IM SO SORRY TO BE UPDATING AFTER SO LONG! SCHOOL AND WORK HAD ME OVERWHELMED FOR A HOT MINUTE BUT I FINISHED THE CHAPTER YESTERDAY AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT TO MYSELF. THANK YOU FOR READING 3K OF ROBIN AND MAX"S ADORABLE BONDING FRIENDSHIP. I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU AND IM ALREADY WRITING THE NEXT CHAPTER


	3. I Know I'll Give Them More and More

After Max and Robin’s big, gooey heart-to-heart on the floor of Family Video, Max is in the place everyday afterschool. 

Robin had proposed the idea after they had both wiped off the stubborn tears clinging to their cheeks and popped in another movie. Something called the Hidden Fortress. Apparently it’s one of Robin’s favorites. Over the sound of clanging swords, Robin offers Family Video to her as a refuge. 

“Think of it as a place you can come to if anything feels overwhelming or everything gets to be too much. Kind of like a hideout.” She sounds uncertain, not the confident, snarky being she generally is in front of other people and Max takes her vulnerability as a gift, holds it in her hands like a baby bird, delicate and small. And then proceeds to make a joke. 

“Oh, like a Hidden Fortress?” Head cocked toward the screen, eyes rolling, she’s worried that for a split second she’s being too insensitive but Robin just laughs and punches her shoulder.

“Very funny, shithead. Make fun of me for my taste in movies when I know for a fact you rented Pretty in Pink 8 times on your Family Video card. Enjoyed seeing yourself on screen, Molly Ringwald?” Robin snipes back. It’s Robin’s turn to think, ‘Oh shit, too far?’ before Max is doubled up in a strange combination of laughter and embarrassment, her face bright red from the illogical mix. 

“Molly Ringwald?? I look nothing like her, absolutely nothing like her. Are you going senile, Buckley? Brain damage from screen static, maybe?”

And on and on it went until it had gotten too late for Robin to still be in the store and she had to close up before the alarm system activated for the night. Robin insisted that Max not go home, even if it was a Sunday night, and that’s how Max found herself bunking on Robin’s floor wrapped in a blanket and listening to the soft sounds of Robin’s radio because she can’t sleep without a little background noise. 

But back to the matter at hand. Max is in Family Video. 

Every. Day. 

On this particular Thursday, 2:29 comes around and she is sitting in her biology class, last period of the day, chewing on the end of her pencil, kicking her legs against her chair, tapping her fingers, anything to make the time go faster. 30 seconds to go and she’s nearly vibrating in her seat. Mrs. Walters is talking about cell division or cell walls, something to do with cells, but it’s humming in her ears. The bell rings and she’s the first one out, binders tossed haphazardly in her backpack, heels thumping on the tile floors of the hallway. She’s the first one out to the bike rack, throwing her skateboard on the ground and hopping on before Dustin, Lucas, and MIke had even reached the front doors, shouting for her to wait up. She winced a bit at that. 

_ Sorry guys.  _

It takes her exactly 7 minutes to skate to Family Video, if she takes the right shortcuts and runs on the verge of the highway instead of trying to skate. She manages not to crash full-tilt into the glass doors at the front of the store and wrenches them open, panting. Exactly 2:37. Nailed it. 

“Jesus Christ, Mayfield, breathe much?” Steve exclaims as he enters the main store from the back room, arms full of videotapes to be shelved. “Are you gonna run into the store like that everyday or are you gonna enter like a normal person once in your life?”

“Sorry, Harrington I didn’t realize I was disturbing your sacred space.” She snorted, moving further into the store and dumping her backpack onto the counter. She reached over to deposit her skateboard on the shelf underneath, dusting her hands off before digging around for Robin’s Twizzlers stash. Steve kicked lightly at the back of her leg as he passed, simultaneously losing his grip on the videotapes and almost sending them careening across the floor. He had to juggle to hold on to them, cursing while Max laughed loudly, hip balanced on the counter. 

“Clumsy, today are we?” Max snarked. She slid some of the videotapes off the top of the pile and squinted at the titles. Steve gave her a look.

“Mayfield, we’ve had this discussion before. If you’re gonna hang out here, you have to do your homework. Otherwise, you gotta hit the road.” 

Max rolled her eyes, exasperated. “Jeez, Steve, I know okay? I’m just gonna help you out real quick and then I’ll do my homework. Promise.” Max bounds off to the horror movie section to shelve some copies of Nightmare on Elm Street 2. She misses the look Steve sends her way, appreciative and fond, a little soft around the edges. It’s a look reserved solely for the kids and, now, Robin and it’s a look he would flatly deny the existence of if anyone ever happened to catch a glimpse of it. 

Max glanced back over her shoulder and laughed, yelling “Come on, slowpoke, I bet I can reshelve 20 tapes before you can!” Steve just scoffed, shaking his head. “Steve, I’m absolutely convinced the store would burn down if I wasn’t here to help your ass.”

“Language! Jesus Christ.” 

“Hypocrite!” 

“It’s like you forgot I do this for a living, red. I’m so disappointed, I thought you were the smart one.”

“Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know you’re constantly using big words.” 

“Hypocrite is a big word to you?” 

“Max, the smart one? You’ve obviously forgotten my existence since our last shift together, Harrington.” 

“ROBIN!” 

Both her and Steve swung their gazes to the door, smiling at the sight of Robin, clad in overalls and a striped shirt, leaning against the doorframe. Her mouth was turned up in a smirk, her backpack slung over one shoulder, her bike helmet in hand. 

Steve vaulted over the counter to wrap her in a hug while Max hung back, smiliing secretly at them and fiddling with a videotape still in her hands. 

Robin laughed, exclaiming, “Jesus you’d think I just returned from war with how happy Steve is to see me.” 

“I am, I’ve missed you so much, no one can shelve videotapes and deal with nasty customers like you.” Steve dropped to his knees in front of Robin, clasping his hands and rocking forward on his heels. “My savior, my knight in shining armor!” 

Robin quirked an eyebrow, “Oh, so you only love me for my customer service skills. Wow. Good to know, Steve. Your betrayal is noted.” 

Max watched the rest of the bit unfold between Steve and Robin, an easy banter that continued through the closed breakroom door as she changed into her Family Video T-shirt. Max decided to start her homework before Steve gave her another lecture and reached for the zipper on her bag. Robin emerged from the back closet and fixed her eyes on Max’s back, sharp enough to notice that Max had gotten quiet when she showed up. 

“Hey Max,” Robin leaned down next to her to put her bag under the counter and gave her nudge. Max tried not to wince as her shoulder dug into the day-old bruises on her arm and managed to summon up a smile. 

“Buckley, what’s up? She pulled her arm away from Robin a touch too fast and saw her eyes narrow into slits. Shit. 

“Nothing much, kid. I saw your fellow nerds on the way here though. They wanted to talk to you about something, but apparently you ran out of school so fast, they couldn’t keep up.” Robin gave her a sideways glance like Max’s face was going to give something away. 

Max froze. Goddamn it. She had been avoiding the boys for the last few days, flaking on party meetings, hiding in Family Video and spending her lunch periods in the library “studying”. She had lost count of the amount of times Mike or Lucas or Dustin had called her house, bugging her to come hang out at the arcade or come talk to El and Will over Cerebro. Everytime she begged off, citing homework or cooking dinner or her stepdad being an ass. Well, that last one wasn’t an excuse. 

Neil had just been getting worse with every interaction, every uncomfortable family dinner and every lecture on her behavior. She had thought about telling Steve and Robin any number of times the last couple days when she had been at Family Video but it had never seemed like the right time. It was much easier to just banter and bicker and eat snacks and ask for help on her math homework. Robin and Steve provided an outlet that let her live beyond the worst things happening in her life. The boys were too serious sometimes; sure they loved watching cheesy movies and playing D&D, but if something was wrong they usually wanted to sit down and discuss it. Sometimes Max didn’t want to discuss it; she just wanted to pretend like it wasn’t happening and everything was okay. 

All of the boys had accepted the excuses… at first. After a few days of her avoidance tactics, they started getting suspicious, she could tell. The way she had run out of school today was probably the breaking point. They wouldn’t have mentioned it to Robin if they weren’t worried. Shit. This was bad, this was really bad. What if they got tired of the constant excuses and tried to figure out what was wrong? What if they found out about Neil and tried to help? 

Robin almost seems to hesitate before she speaks and finally says, “They just wanted me to let you know that they’re gonna come by later to get a movie. Don’t know why they told me, do I look like a personal message service!” She exclaimed, rolling her eyes. 

Max let out a giggle, but it was half-hearted. Her head was still spinning with possibilities, thoughts careening around her head faster than she could pull back and examine them. Maybe they were really just coming here to rent a movie but why would they tell Robin about it? What did it mean? Why was she so scared of her friends finding out about this? Was she scared of what would happen to them or was she scared of what they would think of her? 

_ Both, maybe. _

A loud snap directly in front of her nose brought her mind back to attention. 

“Hey! Earth to Max! Jesus kid, you drifted off right in front of me.” 

Oh shit, now Robin looked really worried. She has to do damage control fast or everything is gonna come down around her. Just as she opens her mouth to hopefully give Robin an explanation of her strange behavior, the door chimes. Max’s heart sinks. 

_ It’s the boys. Fuck.  _

Lucas, Mike and Dustin practically fall into the video store, tripping over each other and bickering. They must have been at it already for a while; Lucas’s sleeves are pushed up to his elbows like he’s been stressfully fiddling with them, Mike’s sweater is rumpled and Dustin’s hat is perched precariously on his curly head. Robin turns to look at them as they come through the door and Max takes the opportunity to drop her backpack on the counter and move towards the back of the store. The documentary movie aisle is always deserted, coated with thick layers of dust that will muffle her steps. The boys will never think to look back there and she doesn’t stop to wonder if she should. Robin is talking to them upfront and none of them have noticed her yet. It’s just better this way. 

Until she turns and bumps directly into Steve, who was emerging from the storage closet. Knowing Steve and his penchant for loud exclamations when he’s startled or dismayed, she acts quickly and shoves him into the cooking videos section before his loud cry of “SHIT” gains unwanted attention. He stumbles and catches himself against one of the shelves, looking disgruntled and upset by his sudden dislocation. 

“What the hell was that about, Mayfield?” he exclaimed, running a hand through his hair in distress. 

“Nothing, Harrington, don’t worry about it. Just pretend you didn’t see me.” She placates, trying too hard to hide how much she really means it. His eyes immediately narrow in suspicion.  _ Goddamn it _ . Max huffed to herself, “ _ When did everyone get so emotionally intelligent?”  _

“Pretend I didn’t see you? Why?” 

“No reason, I just..” Max scrambled wildly for an explanation as Steve’s eyes bored into her, “... just didn’t want Keith to see me! I thought I heard him come in.” Max finished triumphantly, proud of herself for having thought that that fast.

The suspicious look melted off Steve’s face and he threw a startled glance to the front of the store. 

“He’s here? I thought he wasn’t supposed to come back until tomorrow from his gaming tournament or whatever.” He left Max without another word, standing in the aisle, relieved. 

Relieved until she heard Steve’s surprised voice yell, “Henderson? What the hell are you doing here?” She winced. Steve obviously knew by now that she had lied and would undoubtedly rat her out. But nothing happened. All their voices faded to a low murmur, no footsteps pounded down the aisles to catch her out in her hiding place and she didn’t even hear her name mentioned, try as she could to eavesdrop. 

She let out another breath of relief and leaned back against the far bookshelf. Now all she had to do was wait. 

Eventually she stopped trying to listen and half dozed off. She was awoken by the loud shouts of the boys saying goodbye and the store door banging shut. Not even a moment later, two pairs of footsteps began to move down the aisle towards her. She just had enough time to sit up and rub the sleep from her eyes when Robin and Steve appeared at the end of the aisle. 

_ “ _ Okay, spill Mayfield, why are you avoiding the nerds?” 

“I’m not avoiding them.” Max spat through gritted teeth. 

“Then what the hell was that? You went to hide in the back of the store, you had me and Steve lie about you being here. If you’re not avoiding them, then Steve doesn’t care about his hair care routine more than any of his friends.” Robin placed her hands on her hips as she spoke. 

“HEY!”

“Not the time, Steve.” 

“I’m NOT avoiding them, I just need a break sometimes, that’s all.” Max folded her arms across her chest, desperate for something to grip to hide the shaking of her hands. 

“You’ve never needed a break before,” fires back Robin. Max rolled her eyes. “Besides, if you just needed space, you would have shouted at them or something. Dustin said you just started avoiding them without a word.” 

Max exploded “Oh, so you’re gossiping to Dustin about me now? Wow, Robin, I would have expected this from King Steve, but not from you.” 

Steve held up his hands in a surrender motion, trying to calm Max down; it only made her angrier. She didn’t know where the anger was coming from, but she did nothing to stop it; it burned her chest and inflamed her throat and made her words run away from her. She couldn’t stop. 

“Max, calm down alright? It’s okay. We’re just worried about you. The boys too.” Steve tried to reach out for her but she stepped back, knocking his hand away. 

“Oh, you’re all worried about me,” she sneered, “You’re not worried, you’re uncomfortable that I’m not acting like the old me. You don’t CARE. NOBODY DOES.” 

“Max-”

“AND WHY SHOULD ANYONE CARE? NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR THAT ANYTHING IS ACTUALLY WRONG, RIGHT? ESPECIALLY WHEN IT’S NOT IMPORTANT!” Max barely even noticed the tears beginning to stream down her cheeks but Robin and Steve sure did. Before she could even comprehend it, Robin grabbed her by the elbow and bodily pulled her towards the back of the store. Steve turned back towards the front door with a glance from Robin. She had a glimpse of him flipping the OPEN sign on the door to CLOSED before the door of the storage closet swung shut and Robin released her elbow. Max stomped towards a stack of crates in the corner and sank down on them, burying her hands in her hair and tugging. Robin remained by the closed door. Max could practically feel her wary gaze on the top of her head. 

The door opened again for Steve, who immediately went to kneel by Max’s bowed head. It was Robin who spoke first. 

“Max, the first time you came here, when we asked you why you came, you just said ‘your stepdad’. When you showed up that night it was just me working, I told you you could come here whenever you wanted, for any reason and I didn’t ask any questions. Maybe we should’ve. Max, you can tell us what you’re thinking, okay? The boys would want to hear about it too. About your stepdad and about anything else.”

Max bristled. She knew that Robin probably meant what she was saying but it was hard to feel like it was true. Most of the time she wanted to talk to someone but she felt like she couldn’t. Family Video had become a place where she forgot her problems, shoved them to the back of her mind and allowed herself to let loose, be the old her. She hadn’t confronted the reality of her life once since her first visit and she hadn’t tried to. She had become so good at hiding that she was hurting, she just forgot about it. She was aware of it- low, persistent, throbbing- at the edge of her brain and ignored it until today, when everything boiled out of her like pus from a wound. 

“Why did you not think we would care, Max? We told you we cared, that we would listen. So, why?” Robin gently prodded. 

Suddenly she felt exhausted. She was so tired of pretending to be okay, of avoiding, of lying, of not telling anyone what was really wrong. 

“Do you both want to hear it?” 

Steve leaned forward on the balls of his feet. “Max, we want to hear it.”

“Fine.” Max took a deep breath and let go of her hair. Her head tilted up to allow her to fix her eyes on the ceiling and she began to speak.

“Nobody knows this, but when I first met Billy, I thought he was the coolest person I ever saw.” Max’s lips quirked up a bit at this but the sadness in her eyes overshadowed everything else. 

“He had the cool hair and the cool car and an earring; I thought he looked like a rockstar or something and I was sure that he was going to be the big brother I always dreamed of having. You know already that he wasn’t. He was mean and nasty and cruel. He’d get angry at something his dad or my mom did and take it out on me. He would break my stuff, call me names, threaten my friends. I hated him, just not from the start.” She heaved another heavy sigh. 

With a glance at Steve, she continued, “After everything that happened last October, he didn’t stop but he wasn’t as bad either. It was like we were stuck in limbo; he didn’t want to change and I wanted him to. We weren’t ever going to have a great relationship or even a good one and I thought I was okay with that. But then he died. And he didn’t just die, he sacrificed himself for everyone; he saved El’s life.” At this, Max chuckled a bit, wiping tears out of her eyes. 

“I hated him then and I still do now. I can’t forget what he’s done. I thought I hated him the most for what he did to me, and then I thought I hated him for what he did to Lucas and Steve but I think the thing I hate the most is that he apologized before he died. I hate that he was bleeding out on the floor of the mall and his last words were ‘I’m sorry’ and all I could do was cry and scream and get his blood all over my arms. I don’t even know who he apologized to or what he apologized for because he died before I could ask him. The fact that he could say sorry, that he had the ability to do it, and never chose to say it until it was too late  _ hurts _ .” Her voice breaks and she has to breathe steadily for a minute before she can continue. 

“It would be simple if I could only hate him, but I can’t. I feel guilty for hating him because he’s dead and I feel even more guilty because I can’t stop hating him even when he’s gone. Everything is so complicated, I feel like my head’s gonna explode sometimes. I can’t separate out my grief and anger from each other, it’s all knotted together here.” She clutches her hands to her chest and sobs out the last three words.

“It would be easier for everyone if I could just hate him. Everyone else does. Mike, Dustin, Lucas, both of you. If I could be angry and not care that he’s dead, I’d be able to talk about it.”

Robin, who had sat on the floor once Max started and was now gripping onto Max’s hand, squeezed it once and asked, “Is that why you didn’t talk about it? You think nobody would want to hear about it?” 

“Nobody would want to hear about it.” Max argued in a low voice.

Steve caught her eye and shook his head, “Max, that’s not true at all-”

“It’s not fair! To ask anyone else to listen to me talk like this. It’s not fair to everyone else for me to be so selfish. Everyone went through too much traumatic shit for me to monopolize the conversation. Everything’s so crazy I’m not going to add to it.” Max crossed her arms stubbornly and leaned back against the door. Steve, standing up, turned to Max, frustration evident all over his face. 

“Max, that crazy shit you’re talking about? You’ve been through all of that same as everyone else and other personal shit that no one else can comprehend. But that’s not a reason to keep it all inside. You can let go of some of that stuff, you can confide in the people around you and trust them, Jesus, Max. You’ve been in this for two years, you have to know that people care.” 

“It’s not as easy as that, Steve. I still just feel like I’m outside them in so many ways, okay? I’m in the group but I know Mike still doesn’t really like me and El just became my friend last summer and I never really bonded with Will as much as I should have and I wish I had because I miss him!” Max lifted her head from where it had been slumped against her chest and stared at Steve, tears streaming down her face again. “I got here later than everyone, besides you, Robin, and I’ll just never be able to bridge that gap. And I want to, god do I want to. But I just feel so wrong sometimes. Like I’m outside looking in at them with this wall between us that I can’t knock down. I can’t explain it.” She finished, bowing her head. 

“I get it.” 

Max and Steve’s gazes both snap to Robin.

“I just dropped into this crazy supernatural shit this past summer. I probably got it worse than you, no offense kid. I thought I was getting a summer job and instead I got an assload of trauma and the desire to never Russian, like ever.”

Steve raised his hand, “Uh, not to throw myself into the pity party but I got roped into this shit completely by accident in 1983. I was so out of the loop, I was practically in space.”

They all eyed each other, each standing on opposite sides of the room and all simultaneously burst out into laughter. 

Robin bent over at the waist, trying to talk through the gales of laughter exploding around her, and not succeeding. It took a few minutes for the laughs to finally die down to minute giggles and chuckles. Robin, now sitting with her knees up to her chest, contemplated her chipped nail polish.

“I basically only got involved cause I was there and I was bored. And also because Dustin and Steve do not understand the meaning of the words ‘whisper’ or ‘quiet’. I seriously don’t know how they’ve gotten by this long without dying.” 

“Oh yeah? Try getting accidentally caught in the middle of a demogorgon ambush while you were trying to apologize to Jonathan Byers.”

“I had to annoy the boys to death to finally get any information and even then they shut me out more often than not. It was Lucas who really brought me in and explained everything to me, even if I thought he was kidding at first. I believed him once he dragged me to the junkyard.” 

Robin linked her arms around her knees and rested her chin on top. “For us it was basically accidental, right? Like we didn’t mean to get involved but we all got pulled in for no real reason other than we were there or we were curious and didn’t give up. Max is right, that’s alienating, like it happened by chance and if someone else had been there, we wouldn’t have been involved at all.” 

Steve wrinkled up his nose. “Thinking about it that way kinda sucks. Thanks, Robin, that’s great.

His sarcastic drawl did not go unnoticed by Robin who fixed her gaze on Steve.

“Do you not agree?” 

“I mean,” Steve shuffled his feet and shrugged, “sure, it’s true on the surface. We all ended up in this by accident but-”

“But what?” Max straightened up against the door and walked closer to Steve.

“But… even if we were brought in by accident, we stayed. There was a moment at the Byers’ house in ‘83 when I could have left, turned my back on Nancy and Jonathan and forgot about what I saw. Max could have refused to go with Lucas, refused to believe his story and made some new friends who wouldn’t try to get her ripped in half by an interdimensional hell-beast. Robin, you could have ignored us at Scoops Ahoy, you could have helped to translate the message and dipped immediately after but you didn’t. None of us made those choices. We actively chose to stay and help and fight and that makes us a part of this. Who cares if we weren’t a part of everything from the very start? There’s no going back now; we’re in it for better or for worse, I think. Robin, you might have just gotten here but I love you and you’re with us. Max, you know you’ve saved my life before and I’ve saved yours; we can’t stop now. We’re a family.” 

Max sniffled first and then all hell broke loose. Everybody was crying by the end of Steve’s impromptu emotional speech in the storage closet of Family Video. Max stumbled over, tears in her eyes and buried her face in Robin’s shoulder. 

“I love you too, Robin.”

Robin just sobbed harder, pressing her hands into her face as Steve knelt down next to Max and wrapped his arms around both of them. 

Robin choked out, “I love you both. Idiots.” 

Laughter mixed in with the tears as they all clung to each other on the dirty floor. By the end of the crying jag, they all felt somehow husked out and raw, a weight collectively lifted off their shoulders. 

“Wait, Steve, we’re supposed to be working right now.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so so sorry for not updating for so long! Coronavirus, the end of my freshman at college and moving back home really took a lot of me and so did this chapter. This is a pretty long one to make up for my long absence and I hope you all like it!!! If there's anything you want to see in the next chapter, drop a comment or come talk to me on tumblr!! I'm richiecure!! I always appreciate constructive criticism and kudos/comments!!


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